Orgasms are wonderful things. Not only do they make us feel good in the moment. The cascade of feel-good hormones that are released can help our mood for hours afterward. While some women are still pursuing their first orgasm, other women, with more sexual experience, are intent on discovering the perfect orgasm and edging has become their preferred method.
What is Edging?
Edging, in simple terms, is a little bit like saving orgasms up for a special orgasm party at the end. The principle is pretty simple. As you feel yourself getting close to an orgasm you either stop! Or you employ various techniques to prevent yourself from reaching climax and then do it again. The idea is to keep repeating this until you’re ready for your mind blowing ultimate orgasm. It should lasts longer and is more intense than cumming at the first opportunity.
People vary in their extremes and goals in edging. Some will edge over a period of 15 – 30 minutes. Others will, quite literally, work on it for months, developing their techniques. For some women, the aim is to improve the quality and duration of their orgasms, while others are seeking a different kind of orgasm, less clitoral and more internal.
What Do I Need to Start Learning to Edge?
There is something called the ‘point of no return’ (PNR) when getting close to a vaginal climax. This is when you are no longer able to hold back and lose all control. To edge, you need to become familiar with your PNR and able to stop yourself just before you reach it. This takes some practice and can be done solo while masturbating or you might want to enlist a partner.
If you’re practicing edging on your own, either to enhance your masturbation experience or to develop your skills before trying it with a partner, you’ll want to make sure you have time to relax and plenty of lube and maybe a vibrator or two. If you’re practicing with a partner, lube will definitely be helpful if you plan on focusing on manual stimulation but if you’re familiar with the sensations you normally feel during sexual contact it can be done during oral sex or even while having sex.
How Do I Stop Myself From Losing Control?
Orgasms are definitely about losing control and throwing yourself wildly into a physical sensation that sends waves of pleasure through your body, normally accompanied by vaginal contractions. Edging is about maintaining control and not allowing the body to take over until you are ready. Women use different methods for doing this. The key is getting to know your body and the signs that you are about to climax.
Taking deep breaths is one, popular and quite effective way to relax the body, remain with the feeling of pleasure but not allowing the body to take you past your PNR. Inhaling and exhaling slowly is used during meditation and childbirth for the same reason. Normally, when about to orgasm, breaths come heavy and fast. Slowing that down can ease the body back into a less aroused state and allow you to continue building towards climax.
If you use vibrators but find it difficult to stop yourself once you’re close to your PNR, then you may want to resort to manual stimulation only. If you have a partner helping you with this, you will need to have a pre-planned signal or word that alerts them to the fact that you are nearly at your PNR and to slow down, stop or to do something else. Sometimes, if you are extremely aroused, the only way to stop yourself is to do something completely different such as singing a song, changing position or having a drink of water. Once you feel you are able to continue, slowly build it up the feeling again and repeat.
When Do I Actually Let Myself Come?
If you have a specific type of orgasmic experience in mind, you may want to take your time with this until you begin to feel that your body responses are changing and evolving into the sensation you are seeking. But if you, like most women who practice edging, are just on a journey to experience the best love-making orgasms possible, then we’d recommend starting by only holding back a couple of times. There is always the risk that if you push it too far, too quickly. You may find that your clitoris becomes over sensitized or that you simply lose interest. Even worse is that you let it go on too long and have an unsatisfying orgasm.
So, experiment. Try just holding back a couple of times and see how that goes. Once you’ve perfected that and are happy with the results, try pushing yourself a little harder and teasing yourself a little bit longer. If you enjoy a little bit of bondage and you are doing this with a partner, who you trust and is familiar with your orgasms, having them tie you up while you do this can add a whole and very hot dimension to this exercise.
Remember that this is about your pleasure and your body. The process should be fun and enjoyable. Don’t set unrealistic expectations and don’t turn this into a chore or a competition. Once you discover that having an orgasm as quickly as possible isn’t always the goal. You’re going find a whole new way to enjoy sex with yourself or with a willing partner.