Article by Guest Contributor: Sarah Williams
When you’ve been dating a guy for some time, you might start thinking it’s all good. You feel free, can be yourself, and say anything that’s on your mind. He’s declared his love for you already, so finally expressing your opinion or just saying out loud anything that pops up in your head in different situations can’t hurt, right?
Not so fast…
There are still certain topics you’re better off without, and things that you might often be overthinking but which you should never ever share.
If you’re wondering what these are, watch out for the secrets in the list below:
1. When one of your exes did something better than him.
That can happen. And even though you know pretty well there’s a reason each past relationship ended and this right now might be the real thing, you can’t help but compare sometimes. Be it about sex, certain habits, career, how a guy treats you in front of his friends, or else. There can easily be at least one area where you ex performed better.
Well, keep that to yourself.
If you let yourself mention it sometimes, be it when you’re annoyed, or when he genuinely wants you to share everything with him, you might ruin all that you have built together. That’s because a guy never wants to think about you and other men. He knows pretty well there were others before him, but comparing himself to them (or even worse, knowing for a fact he’s less than one of them), will lower his self-esteem and even let him have doubts whether it’s worth staying with you.
2. What you think about his mom.
If you don’t like her, keep that to yourself. That’s the most important woman in his life, and you can’t change that. So have respect for her, and he’ll love you for that.
3. What you hate about yourself.
We all have body issues. Your boyfriend, however, is looking at you from another perspective…. He’s with you now, the sex is great, and he likes every part of your character and your body.
One way to turn this around, however, is to constantly mention what you hate about yourself. Be it your stomach, thighs, hair, or else. Stop talking about it. Either accept it and focus on the good things or do something to improve this aspect of your appearance or personality.
4. Bringing his ex to the table.
Okay, you probably don’t know the girl before you. And even if you do, there would be no chance you will like her. So why mention your ex or think about it at all?
Because we’re women, and inevitably the picture of him and her will pop up in our mind.
What was she like? What did he like about her the most? Was she better looking than you? Was she the ideal girlfriend in ways you can never be?
These questions can drive you crazy, so it’s better not to ask them in the first place. If you do, your mind will start creating scenarios and whatever you do together with your boyfriend won’t be the same anymore, knowing she’s been there before.
Don’t do that to yourself. And don’t risk popping a question about her when he least expects it. You might not like the answer, and showing him she’s on your mind is a sign of insecurity too.
5. That you don’t actually enjoy something he loves doing.
Once you get to know each other, you start noticing the little things. That he likes making you smile in his own ways, that he does things he’s sure you’ll love but which you don’t.
Well, that’s when it’s time for the compromises in a relationship everyone talks about. Learn how to enjoy these, and never mention they annoy you. In fact, if you focus on how great it is that you found a guy who treats you well, and are grateful for all this, you’ll start enjoying anything he does genuinely, and this will make him even happier.
6. Why your past relationships failed.
It’s better if you don’t go into detail on that, as his mind will head in a direction you wouldn’t like.
Once he knows the exact reasons why it didn’t work with your exes, he’ll come to the conclusion it might be you who was the problem. Or maybe he’ll start fearing you’ll soon find something you don’t like about him, and end this relationship too. Then, he won’t feel good enough and will have doubts even if things are going pretty well.
So just don’t discuss the men in your past too much.
7. That you don’t actually need his help.
One of the things all men have in common is that they say they like independent women, but really what they want is to be able to help you often. For that to happen, you need to let them do it and even ask for their help every now and then. Even if you don’t want it, it will make him feel needed and special.
If, on the other hand, you do it all by yourself, he might walk away, feeling like there’s no place for him in your life.
8. How crazy you were just a few years ago.
We all have our adventures to share, but it’s not always a good idea to share them once in a relationship. These might include risks you took, irresponsible things you did that turned out good, experiments you did in college, what you did on your best nights out, or what new things you tried with other men.
Keep all that to yourself, or you’ll leave your boyfriend thinking you’re still that person and he can expect anything from you. Or maybe he’ll start thinking he’s too boring for you and just can’t answer your expectations.
Now that you know these 8 secrets, protect them with your life in order to have a balanced and happy relationship.