This week I got a question from a black woman who has just met this man online. He tells her she is beautiful and she believes it. The other day, she asked him to describe the physical features he finds attractive in a woman. Well the description was a white woman – straight hair, blue eyes… So she is wondering if he really finds her attractive or is just telling her what he thinks she wants to hear.

Girl doesn’t want to waste time on guy if he isn’t really attracted to her physically because much as they connect on so many other levels, she believes physical/sexual attraction is important for any relationship to thrive.

Here is the full question:

“My name is *****, I will cut to the chase. I am currently talking to a white guy I met online. He seems nice and we are vibing and connecting. I am trying to get a feel for whether he is genuinely attracted to me physically. He has called me beautiful many times and I don’t have a hard time believing him because I know I am pretty. What I am concerned about is each individual has an ideal of what he or she finds attractive, physically and personality-wise. But I am talking about physical attractiveness right now. I asked him what is an example of someone he finds attractive. He said his first ever girlfriend from high school who obviously is a white girl, lol. And concerning in another way is that he sent me a picture of her, rather quickly. Which may be a sign of another issue altogether that he might not be over her. But that’s another topic for me to discuss with a friend later.

Anyway, now my concern and thoughts are, “If this is what he finds attractive, i.e. straight long hair, thin lips, light skin, blue eyes does he genuinely think I’m pretty?” And he said his celebrity crush is Jessica freaking Alba. Who is hecka pretty but I am no where near Latina looking, lol. Also, he is tall, 6’2” and apparently has dated tall women in the past, I’m 5’6”, slim and have a small frame. Although he said he likes small women, is he saying what he thinks I want to hear?

So yeah, I don’t want to waste my time with this guy if I’m not someone he’d actually find physically attractive. But then, why contact me if he doesn’t? Ugh. You should also know I haven’t asked him yet whether he’s ever talked to/dated a black woman before. I probably should do that soon…. So I guess my question is am I overthinking this or should I continue to probe him to determine whether or not I am somewhere in line with what he finds attractive? And if so, how do I go about it without making it awkward or uncomfortable? Also, I don’t know if this is relevant but he isn’t the type of guy I would usually find attractive physically, he’s a little chubby but is handsome though don’t get me wrong. He has a beard and green eyes, yes, I love beards. Anyways, but we connect so much in terms of our goals, what we’re looking for in a relationship and he’s easy to talk to. So I overlooked that because I value those things more than looks. Although physical/sexual attraction is important.

Sorry about the rant, I am just spilling my thoughts and wanted to be thorough so you understood the situation fully. Btw, I actually have an acquaintance, an older lady who is dating a white man, he’s Irish. She told me he’d never dated a black woman before. Maybe I should call her and ask her about this.

If you read this far, lol, thank you for your time. If you are able to respond to my question I would really appreciate it.”

Here is my take.