There are difficult spots in every relationship. But usually it is “a little bit you, a little bit me” kind of a problem, situations and issues that the two of you can work out to reboot your relationship. If normal give and take seems to have gone missing from your relationship, finding you always on the defensive and your beloved always in charge, you may have a more troubling challenge in your relationship. Your spouse or partner may be a narcissist. This is a condition that he or she may have but from which you suffer just as much — or more — than does your special someone.
How do you know that the pain in your relationship may possibly be due to narcissistic tendencies? Take a look at the following hints:
It Seems Too Good To Be True
The beginning of the relationship was a fairy tale, amazingly intense, as though you had finally found your soulmate. The two of you were completely taken with one another, to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. This is how the narcissist pulls you into the web.
Power And Control Intrudes
At first you do not care that she or he makes all the decisions. However, soon you realize there is no compromise. Her movie picks, his decision where to live are not suggestions. They are the Law of your relationship. You have no license to practice law in this duo — your companion is prosecutor, judge and jury.
Is Your Sweetheart Conceited Or Vulnerable?
Depending on whether you’ve become entangled with an introverted or extroverted narcissist expect to be told tales of wonder or exquisite sadness. Your mate will be certain that no one is as special as is he or she, and will either trumpet it to all who will hear or sit quietly, but smug. Sometimes an introverted narcissist will also spin a narrative of how put upon or scared he or she is. Expect your friends and family to catch on to this before you do, and also expect a doubling down of the exclusionary nature of the relationship if your beloved narcissist gets wind of this.
Is There One Rage After Another — Over What?
There is a vintage movie about an aging movie queen who terrorizes her children over wire versus wooden clothes hangers that boils down a narcissistic range down to a frightening scene to which you can totally relate. In order to keep you in line there is nothing too small to demand and the tears, anger and spun narrative becomes part of your life. You will do anything — except leave — to make it stop.
Have You Gone From Golden To Tarnished Beyond Repair?
Once a narcissist has his or her talons tightly around your heart you will find the fairy tale that was the inception of the love affair turning dark and tragic. You are now lucky he or she still allows you in the same room as you have gone from the best thing in his or her life to an object to be derided. Some narcissist accomplish this by overt denigration while others simply ignore you and your needs.
Your Support System Has Vanished
Because you have become so immersed in this now horrifying relationship your friends and family are wary. If they tried to enlighten you earlier you probably rebuffed them. And your narcissistic love certainly banished them overtly or covertly from your life. It is hard to leave when no one is there to catch you.
If your relationship, with such an amazing beginning, has morphed into a cocoon of pain, fear and loneliness it really may not be you. Instead your beloved may be unable to respond and relate as a mentally healthy individual because of narcissism. Run to get some help from professionals if you suspect the love of your life has this insidious disorder.