Most women are never comfortable with their boyfriend’s female friends. It can create so much suspicion and mistrust in a relationship, especially if you are new to the relationship and have no details whatsoever as to the kind of relationship this new man in your life has with his close female friends.
But is it possible for men to have platonic relationships with women without the sexual benefits? Is it possible for a man to have a close relationship with female friends without it eventually developing into something more?
In an article on Madamenoire.com, Dr. J shares his insights on this saying:
“Let’s say that men are inherently naïve when it comes to their female friends and while they may think the relationship is platonic, the girl friend is secretly waiting for the right time to pounce. Even if that’s all well (or not) and true, it’s important not to worry about something that isn’t happening. I’m not saying you should turn a blind eye, I’m just saying, you shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t happened. The only way that situation will play itself out is with the woman looking jealous or insecure: Two traits that are shortly followed by unattractiveness and eventual breakup.”
He believes as men and women maintain a friendship for a long time, it “reaches a platonic level that cannot be overcome.” He doesn’t say that he doesn’t think his female friends aren’t beautiful; he is simply not attracted to them.
Dr. J also advises that its better to take a chill pill on suspicion if this is a new relationship because, his female friends at this point are much closer to him saying: “… a man rarely will choose the unknown over the known” – so he will definitely take their advice and side. Coming off as suspicious and controlling wont be cute at this point. Someday, he might be closer to you than he is with his female friends. But this may take time. “He’s not going to throw all that away for a relationship with a woman that may not work out in the long run,” says Dr. J.
“… it’s really on the guy to be concerned about his friendships with women outside of his romantic relationship. Every guy handles it different but it’s his cross to bear. He may see them less, talk to them less or even pull away from them. Or, he may not change a thing at all. It’s important that he dictate that relationship instead of his significant other. For me, it’s important that I maintain my relationship with my best friend but I’m also very quick to inform my significant other of her presence and role in my life. I… Any woman I date should know this and let it be my concern, not hers.”
Well, there you have it. To be honest, I am never comfortable with this. So for me, close-minded as it is, I usually choose not to get into a relationship with a man who has close female friends. Its too much of a grey area for me. However, people are different. Women are different. And as the ‘doctor’ said, men are also different. Great advice on the bit for not getting yourself worked up over something that hasn’t happened yet… or something that might never happen.
When suspicion is there, relationships don’t last. You end up spending more than half your time and energy trying to catch a guy in the act as opposed to building a solid and loving relationship. In the end, you end up consumed by your mistrust and before you know it, a guy got fed up and dumped you. And that is why I’d rather not start something serious with guy who has a close female friend. I know too well how that ends.
What say you?