Wanna know how to resolve conflict in a relationship? Much as we would all love to have smooth relationships, it’s unfortunate that sometimes, we tend to get in each other’s ways or have a difference in opinions that arise in verbal disagreements and arguments. That said, conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We are all wired differently hence have a right to differences in opinions from our spouses.
Read on to find out how to resolve conflict healthily…
Healthy ways on how to deal with conflict in a relationship
Communication is important for any relationship if it is meant to progress in a healthy manner. Both you and your partner need to learn how to communicate effectively in order to understand each other better as well as strengthen the relationship. Now, as mentioned above, we can’t run away from a little friction in our relationships every once in a while. And that is not a bad thing. Basically, conflict is how we learn to deal with and live with our partners. And the better we get at resolving an argument successfully, the healthier and more mature the relationship will be.
Now, much as it is normal to experience some conflict in relationship, it can also be a sign that some areas of the relationship aren’t working. The thing is, there are times when a relationship argument arises, then you think that you and your partner have resolved it. Only for it to come up over and over again. This scenario happens when one is overwhelmed with emotion which distorts one’s thinking making it hard to think rationally.
The thing is, we all like our partners to empathize with our position. Now if you want the right answer to how to resolve conflict in a relationship, then you shouldn’t insist on your viewpoint to be the valid one. Otherwise, you will reach a stalemate thereby frustrating one another.
Here are some ways you can avoid a stalemate…
Be direct without blaming each other
This is where communication skills come in. There are some people who choose to bottle up their feelings thinking that that’s how to stop fighting in a relationship – until something becomes too much for them to handle and then they just explode! Being evasive isn’t a good approach.
The best approach is to just come out and state plainly what is bothering you. Instead of being condescending and waiting for your partner to figure out that there is some underlying hostility by pouting, just be direct and address the issue. The thing is indirect ways of expressing anger, in most cases, fall on deaf ears. How is your partner expected to come up with the right way to fix an issue he has no idea what it is?
The best approach is to be direct without being insulting to your partner or their character. Be direct without blaming your partner. Pointing fingers at them will only make them defensive. So instead so “You are…” begin with the statement “I feel that…” without blaming your partner. Also, talk about the specific behavior that’s ticking you off as opposed to pointing out your partner’s character flaws. So instead of saying “Your jealousy is totally irrational”, go with “I feel bad when you claim I am being flirtatious with a woman when I am just having an innocent conversation”.
Compromise whenever possible
I know this is easier said than done but making a compromise in relationships is one of the solutions to how to resolve conflict in a relationship and for any relationship to remain healthy and strong. I want Indian and he wants Chinese? Just compromise. Talk about it and agree to have Indian today and Chinese the next day. And compromise is never just about food. There are more serious differences that arise. Being selfish and wanting things to go your way is not the way to maintain a good relationship. So the idea is to find a middle ground that works for both of you and that leaves both of you feeling quite satisfied as opposed to one party feeling cheated and their needs ignored.
Here is a small example. If before the relationship, you used to hang out with your friends every night, reduce this time to say thrice, so that you can spend the other four days of the week with your partner.
Listen and try looking at things from your partner’s perspective
The other way on how to avoid arguments is to listen as opposed to interrupting your partner. It is normal to get defensive when you are being accused by someone. But try and avoid this. When resolving an argument show them that you understand what they are saying by paraphrasing their points to prevent misunderstandings in the future.
Hear your partner out and sincerely consider what they are saying. Sometimes the best conflict resolution in a relationship technique is to look at the issue in question from your partner’s perspective. Understand where they are coming from. Most people who do this normally come out less angry or not at all after a relationship argument.
The other thing is to try and be objective. Instead of thinking about the conflict from your own perspective try looking at it from a non-biased third party who has the interests of both parties at heart.
Know when to take a time out
When it comes to conflict resolution in a relationship sometimes the best course of action is to just take a time out. The thing with arguments is that you might find yourself falling into negative patterns when it comes to following the above tips on how to resolve conflict in a relationship. If you find yourselves spiraling out of control, take a breather from the argument. Sometimes something as simple as taking deep breathes can calm the rising tempers. Controlling anger is important when it comes to conflict resolution.
Agree to disagree
The best way to navigate around a conflict in relationship is to acknowledge that conflict is bound to arise. This is because you are two individuals born by different people and raised differently. So you need to accept that you will never be able to agree on everything. Your backgrounds are different. So some (if not most) of your opinions are bound to be different.
The thing is, you need sometimes take one for the team and just drop it. Sometimes, this is the best approach to how to deal with conflict in a relationship. If you can’t really agree, then maybe it is a good idea to just let it go. The thing is, you and your partner will never agree on everything.
Ask yourself, is the issue important? Does it affect your feelings? Is it something that is touching on your morals? If its something that doesn’t affect the relationship, then it is safer to let it go. But if it is too important for both of you to drop it, then maybe you just aren’t compatible.
Now if you are still arguing or have constant conflict but still feel that you both want to save your relationship, then seek professional advice and deal with the real underlying issue.
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