Maintaining a monogamous relationship in a culture that is obsessed with sex can be very difficult. Yes, you love your partner deeply. Yes, you made a vow to be with no one else but them for as long as you are together. But unless you and your partner live in a bubble, you cannot run away from temptations. There is always a hotter, younger man or woman (even older) who will cross your path and arouse your attention. Sometimes, its a blast from your past.
When things are fresh, it’s easy to believe that you can never give in to such temptations. But is it practical? Well, it gets harder to maintain monogamy the longer you have been together. That said, it doesn’t mean its impossible. So, read on as Love is all Colors explores some of the ways you can survive being a monogamist.
Earlier, monogamy meant being married to only one person in your whole lifetime. But as times change, so has the meaning. In our modern world, it means being married to or being in a relationship with one person at a time. So, for as long as the couple is together, they are exclusive to one another.
So, in this age and error, most people engage in serial monogamy – where individuals engage in a succession of monogamous relationships. So basically, one jumps from one monogamous relationship to the next. Usually, such relationships are short-lived. “We are only exclusive when we are together”. So with serial monogamy, one has one exclusive relationship after the other as opposed to having more than one at a time.
So what does strictly monogamous mean? Well, this is the traditional type of a monogamous relationship which means implies having ONLY one partner over a lifetime.
So when asks what does monogamist mean, the term varies. Today, the traditional rules don’t apply.
Tips on surviving monogamy
If you are in a long term monogamous relationship, one thing that really matters is how you define monogamy as a couple. It has to be on your own terms. For some people, flirting with other people when in an exclusive relationship can be a deal-breaker. Others allow it. Well here is how you can make a monogamous relationship work. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you won’t have the urge to be with another person sexually.
Have realistic expectations as a couple
As a couple, you need to realize that you don’t live in a vacuum. So you need to acknowledge that your partner might be attracted to other people they interact with, for instance, a co-worker. It’s normal and doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. So stop snooping on your partner. It’s normal to be attracted to other people because we all have our flaws so we can’t bring everything that our partners expect in the perfect partner to the table.
Define monogamy in your own terms
The traditional definition of monogamy is quite flawed and unrealistic. You can coin a relationship that works for you and still remain committed to one another. Revisit the monogamy definition and come with an agreement that is realistic enough for your partnership to work. Negotiate what monogamy is for you and come up with rules and guidelines that work for the two of you. Its all about discussing and communicating this openly.
Spice up your relationship
Boredom usually checks in after being with one person for a long time. So if you feel that the relationship has become bland, spice it up. Now, people usually focus on spicing things up only in the bedroom forgetting that other aspects of their lives could be contributing to this boredom. Make your relationship be the kind that you always have something to look forward to. Go out together. Plan a trip. Do fresh activities together. Rekindling the spark can be as simple as taking a hike together. So don’t limit the spicing up to sex. Make your whole relationship adventurous by introducing new activities you can engage in together.
Temptations will always be there. Make an active decision to walk away…
In order for a monogamous relationship to work, the two individuals need to make the active decision to stay true to one another. It is not easy. But, you can do it. All you need is some self-discipline. When things get too heated up, remove yourself from the temptation. Remind yourself of the consequences of infidelity. If you really value your marriage, then you will be able to walk away.
Can a non monogamous relationship break a marriage? Not necessarily. What breaks marriages is the secrecy that comes with it. So you will find a woman who is OK with the husband having another woman on the side so long she is aware of it. Some people are fine with polyamorous relationships. What matters is what the parties involved agree on.
Can a polyamorous relationship work? Follow the link to find out how those who have succeeded do it…