There are some people who have been engaged more than once. Should previous engagements be a relationship deal-breaker?
Much as finding out your dude has popped the question before may not be anyone’s cup of tea, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a red flag. It all depends on what ended the engagement and how it all went down. “He may have had the good sense to get out of that relationship because it wasn’t working”, says psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?
You may find that maybe he caved due to family pressure or he probably rushed into an early engagement. Whatever his reasons, an engagement is just another breakup, only with higher stakes (an impending wedding), says Durvasula. .
So what are the few tip-offs that his past engagement is a deal-breaker?
1. If he has been through multiple engagements, then that right there is a red flag. “He may be a serial Prince Charming,” says Durvasula. This is the perfect guy who bails at the last minute.
2. If he is not open about having popped the question before and you hear about his ex fiancés from someone else, then that is another bad sign. This is something major. Its not something that you can just forget to mention. This can bring up trust issues (Who knows what else he is hiding).
Much as this is the case though, try and find out why he kept it secret. You might be shocked that he is just embarrassed that it didn’t work out and doesn’t want you to worry about your relationship with him.
3. If you can’t get over the fact that he proposed to someone else before or you are worried his other engagements might bring problems for your relationship, then you need to talk about it. You could also seek advice from a relationship therapist. “Clear the air, talk it out, and make decisions accordingly”, says Durvasula.
Always remember that every story is different. And may be his failed engagements could have been within reason. Talk about it openly. If it doesn’t bother you, carry on with the relationship.