Men and women can really differ in the ways they communicate with the world and with each other. Understanding the differences while striving to craft conversations that help the two of you connect rather than put each other off are keys to developing a happy and mutually rewarding relationship. Try some of the tips below to see if you can truly talk to the new guy in your life or improve a long term relationship.
While women enjoy the journey during a conversation men are often waiting for you to get to the point. Just as you might spend time readying yourself for a conversation with your coworkers or a client be mindful and plan before you spend some time with your special guy. Know the degree of detail your man needs to converse easily with you. Facts and observations are important to guys so think through a topic before you launch into a torrent of information.
Learn From Experience
As you think through what to share with your date reflect on what went well — and not so well — the last time you had a conversation. If your man needs just the facts, ma’am, do not confuse him with your feelings and emotions at the start of the date. Calmly relate what you saw, read, heard and give him time to react. If this is a first or second date keep the conversation light and your comments brief until you know how he prefers the conversation to flow.
Work On A Common Conversation Climate
Just because men and women communicate differently does not mean you have to capitulate to his preferred way of keeping in touch. Be very forthright about what you would like your communications to sound and feel like but keep the emotions out of it. Men often feel like women are overly dramatic or nagging when the rules of communication are explored. Keep this in mind as you express yourself sticking to objective things each of you can do during a chat like take turns and wait for natural pauses to insert your side of the exchange.
Use The Word I More Than You
This is not a call to move into narcissism but to ensure that your comments and requests are not perceived as blaming, judging or demanding. Talk about what you would like from him not what you think he will refuse to give. A comment like “I love it when you help me sort through my options” works much better than “You never listen to my problems!” Men are naturally solvers and may give you suggestions when all you want to do is share your thoughts and feelings. Gently deflect his attempts to set you straight and instead thank him for giving you yet another possibility to think about.
Use Your Conversational Time Wisely
You want him to listen when you need his understanding and opinions so don’t bombard him with aimless chatter. Take a breath and apprise his willingness to talk. If he is focused on work, entertainment or simply taking a nap you might want to defer the conversation for a more advantageous time. An adult relationship requires communication to happen at a time when both participants are willing to be completely in the moment. Strive for those golden times and use them well.
Talking with your man is an art that you need to develop and practice. Work on integrating some of these ideas to deepen your relationship and arrive a unified understanding.