Are you able to tell that the person you like is a serial dater? Love is all colors tells you how to spot one. Read on to find out how…
What is a serial dater?
In the world of romance, there exist three species of daters. We have the loners, the lovers and of course the serial daters. The loner is the direct opposite of the lover. He feels no need whatsoever for company. Hence he channels all energy into work and his carrier. The lovers are the hopeless romantic ready to go to any extent to prove his undying loyalty for the “one”. The last species, however, is the fascinating one.
So what is a serial dater really?
A serial dater is any individual who has an unnatural expertise in dating multiple persons at the same time. He has perfected the art of emotional deceit over time and gets innocent individuals to fall in love with him just for the fun of it. This person has the ability to manipulate the natural balance of romance and love existing between two individuals. To him, it’s all about the fun of the moment and not caring how the other person feels about it. In addition to the description mentioned above it is important to note that contrary to popular belief that serial daters are narcissists, they are not. There is no psychological affiliation. It’s simply a mere case of personal choice regarding how to behave in a relationship.
How to spot a serial dater – 7 Red flags
If you’ve never come across a serial dater lucky you! And I sincerely hope it remains that way. However, if you suspect your new date is a serial dater or shows signs of being one, and you want to clarify your assumptions, Love is all colors has put together 7 signs to help you figure this out.
1. He is irresistibly charming
Hey, I am not saying that every charming guy out there is a serial dater definition. However, the irresistible charm is one sign. He has mastered the game of romance, and he knows exactly what to say, when to say it and how to get to you. I like to think of serial daters as mind readers because they know just what to do to get you to fall head over heels for them. Unfortunately, they never really feel the same way.
Now if you’ve been dating a guy and somehow you realize that you love absolutely everything about this person and he knows exactly what to do and the right things to say, tread carefully! There’s a high probability you’ve scored one of them. To throw him off balance, act very interested in him. Step into his own game and beat him at it. If there’s anything a serial dater loves, it’s the fun of the chase. It’s like a high to him.
So instead of playing hard to get, pretend to be head over heels in love with him. Call him regularly. They hate that and won’t hesitate to get as far away from you as they possibly can. The honest truth is, if a guy truly cares about you, showing him care and affection would only draw him closer and not away from you – which is obviously the opposite with a serial dater.
2. He’s afraid of commitment
Lack of commitment is the most appropriate serial dater definition you can ever get. This is because he always wants to date several women at the same time. He finds it very difficult to fully commit his body and soul. A serial dater seldom talks about previous relationships because let’s face it, he’s never really been in any real relationship.
Interestingly, the greatest weak point of a serial dater is his inability to commit to a relationship. This gives him away very easily. Without this flaw of his, you will never detect you are in a relationship with one. He has a faded ideology that love and romance do not exist. Hence he fills his life and time with temporary affections with the aim of avoiding anything long-term. Sadly he doesn’t put the other person’s feelings into consideration.
Out of sheer curiosity, you might wonder why the serial dater won’t commit to you. His inability to commit to a relationship often stems from bitter past relationship experiences. Maybe he had fallen in love and got jilted in the past, or he was raised in an unstable relationship hence he is afraid of a repeat of that. Whatever the case is, you might get hurt trying to get someone incapable of commitment to commit. If he is afraid of commitment, it’s better to break it off. If he really feels you, he will come back and ask for that commitment from you.
3. It’s all about physical intimacy with him
A good tip on how to spot a serial dater is his eagerness to get intimate with you. Yes, I know sex is an important part of any romantic relationship, but when your date talks about nothing but how good having sex with him is, then watch it. You might be dealing with a dangerous case of a serial dater. Most prefer to call them players or bad boys. Whatever the name, I feel a man should be more interested in other aspects about you, beside solely focusing on getting into your panties.
A serial dater is well versed in human behavioral pattern and knows precisely what you want and how you want it at any point in time. So, ladies, you got to be very cautious when dealing with this human. First of all, he knows the vulnerable and exciting moments that are filled with uncontrollable sexual urges. He will bank on that to play his sex card. If you aren’t very careful he will have you, and that’s probably the last time you would hear from him. As I said, it’s all about the thrill of the chase with him. Once he gets what he wants, its ‘goodbye’ for him.
4. He is very secretive
Dating bad boys is similar to unknowingly living with an FBI agent. They are damn secretive. A serial dater will seldom open up to you about anything for the fear that you might catch a whiff of his intentions. He will never tell you anything remotely personal or let you meet anyone dear to him.
Why is this a dead ringer? In order to build a meaningful relationship with someone, it’s imperative that you let them know you. And the only way to do this is by opening up to the person. A person you care about should know about your dreams, feelings and to a great extent your past. However, a serial dater will prefer a secretive relationship, keep things light and quite close-lipped about any and everything that falls within the ‘personal’ category. This is a major sign that he isn’t sticking around for a long time.
5. He hardly talks about a future together
What is a serial dater besides someone who’s just there for the momentary fun? He is like snowflakes. One moment he appears looking so adorable and charming but unfortunately, he won’t make it till the next moment. When your date or boyfriend seldom speaks about the future or the possibility of you two staying together for a long time, then tread carefully.
Taking this a step further, if he doesn’t introduce you to any significant individual in his life, there’s a high probability he doesn’t see you two going beyond what you already are. Now it’s up to you either back off or push him. Unfortunately, in the case of a serial dater, there’s no need to force things because he obviously has other plans. You might convince yourself you can change him and maybe make a decent man out of him and have your happily ever after. Sadly, the truth is that is likely never gonna happen. Save yourself the trouble and just walk away.
6. He Always Seems Distracted
If you are looking for signs on how to spot a serial dater, try checking how well he gives you attention. Most serial daters are excellent at giving you attention while the chase is still on and is trying to woo you. But as soon as you give in to his advances, you wouldn’t be getting much of that attention (if any) as before.
Does he love me? Such questions are bound to be asked when you figure out the all so attentive guy you met a few weeks ago barely pays attention to you. The most annoying talent of a serial dater is his ability to creep into the vulnerable minds of his prey, convince her he has true intentions and then turns to be a total jackass.
Here’s what I mean by distracted – you discover he’s always texting some other person when you are together and barely pays attention to what you are saying. Sometimes he forgets an important discussion you both had or somewhere important you were meant to go together. Constant distraction is a clear sign that you are dealing with a serial dater.
Another way to spot if he’s distracted is when you figure out he has wandering eyes. Just as his title suggests, he finds it difficult to stick to one person. The game of serial dating is all about reeling people in. So if you expect his attention to stay on you for much longer than is required then you are headed for heartbreak.
7. Lots of lofty promises
Oh yes, I once dated a guy who told me he was going to take me to the Maldives (I always dreamed of going to the Maldives). Turns out he was just a serial dater making lofty promises to get me.
Serial daters are notoriously known for making empty promises they’ll very rarely – if ever – go through with. Meaning, a serial dater might tell you he’ll take you to all these amazing places (especially places he knows you really want to go) and plan for incredible dates far off in the future. But when the date draws nearer, they will always come up with some excuse. They never come through. These are just things to keep you hooked on him. These guys are really clever. They often have this vampire-like character of knowing all your secret desires and making endless promises to fulfill their own desires.
A serial dater portrays a mirage of care and attention. However, the opposite is the case. You might be fooled initially and fall for his sweet words but be rest assured they don’t hold water as he is bound to throw you under the bus as soon as he spots a new muse. He is always looking for someone better. He needs something new. And if you aren’t giving him the thrill he wants, don’t get too attached.
How Can One Avoid A Serial Dater?
Having gone through the 7 Red flags to be aware of when trying to spot a serial dater, let’s also look at the few steps one can take to avoid him entirely.
Ask a lot of questions when you go on a date
No guy really has the signs of a serial dater written on his forehead. This you will have to discover for yourself. When on a new date, do not hesitate to ask as many questions as you need to. Get to know as much as you can. You might feel like maybe you are prying too much. But ask at least a few personal questions about him. This way you can judge for yourself based on how he responds to your questions. If he’s reluctant to answer be rest assured he doesn’t see a future for you two together.
Have realistic expectations when you meet a new guy
Be ready for anything when dating a new guy. Desist from having high expectations or unnecessarily mount pressure on your new relationship. Do not feel rushed to prove a point. This will allow you to keep the situation relaxed. Take the relationship a day at a time. Look at the above red flags. Ask questions when in doubt. This will help gauge how the date or the new relationship is going. If even your little expectations aren’t being met, keep your distance. If he is genuine, he will come looking for you.
In conclusion, pay attention when dating someone new, so that you don’t end up with a serial dater. If, unfortunately, you do end up with one and realize it, get out fast as you can. Trust me, he is not worth your time.
Could it just be emotional infidelity and not serial dating? Well, follow the link to see some warning signs…