When you go a long time without being in a relationship, you start noticing some effects of being single too long. The thing is, when you are single, you get used to doing things at your own convenience. The thing is one might start preferring being single when they think about the sacrifices they might have to make when in a long term relationship.
Much as it can be empowering, it reaches a point where one begins to admit having the fear of dying alone. Read what Love is All Colors has for you on this topic.
The single struggles
Sabotaging a relationship simply because you just don’t care
This is one of the greatest effects of being single too long. You get so comfortable with your single status that you tend not to care about the people you meet as much as you need to. You might meet a potential mate and run the risk of jeopardizing the relationship. This could be because you are bringing old habits that you are used to from years of being single for too long.
If things are to change then you also need to change some of your singles issues if you want to be in a committed relationship for a long period of time. As much as you might be having the mentality that a person should love you just the way you are, you need to try as much as possible to make things work. You need to make a few compromises.
Unfortunately, this is usually easier said than done. But if you really want to be in a relationship, then you will have to make a conscious decision not to push away a potential mate with your “I don’t care’ attitude.
The worry that chances of finding the right relationship will continue decreasing
Normally, the older you grow, and the longer you stay single for a long time the higher the feeling that you are running out of time. It’s the worry that most single people have. You might begin to have the feeling that all the good ones will be snatched away. Or the only ones available are the outdated, damaged goods with lots of baggage. One might start feeling that they are not at a prime age to meet a person of quality.
These are some of the single struggles. A person might feel that they will be forced to lower their standards in order to meet someone.
What contributes more to this feeling is the need to find the perfect person after being single for a long time. Now this need for the perfect mate could have been the factor that contributed to being single for long.
Don’t sweat it. Don’t lower your standards. This is one of the singles rights. The reason you have been single for multiple years is that you know what you want and deserve and you are not willing to settle for anything less. Just as long as it’s not about being too picky, eventually you will meet the person you deserve and who deserves you.
Feeling that you have lost the muscle for being in a relationship
There is normally this ‘cobweb notion’ – someone goes for months or years without sex and start worrying that their privates have either dried up or have cobwebs. Now, this is one of the other effects of being single too long. One might feel that they have lost the capacity to be functional and happy in a long-term relationship. Hence they give up on even trying because the single for a long time psychology is convincing them that the other party will leave them anyway.
Yes, the transition from singlehood to suddenly being in a relationship won’t be easy. But then again, you need to believe that the right person will make the transition smoother because they will be caring enough to understand where you are coming from.
The problem with having been single for so long is that you know yourself well enough to make you a better partner in a relationship. And if you have a strong sense about yourself, it will make things easier if you meet someone with an independent personality like yours. That way, much as you are building a relationship together, you can still maintain your independent lives as you consciously make the effort to make compromises for the sake of the relationship.
Carrying over behavioral tendencies of being single into the next relationship
Now you might have gotten used to flirting a lot just because you have been single for long. You may have gotten used to looking for attention from people of the opposite sex (or same-sex in the case of gay men and women). One of the singles issues is that you might find yourself flirting more than what is considered appropriate for someone in a relationship. If you find yourself dating a man who has been single for a long time such behavior can put a strain on your new relationship.
If you have gone for years without being in a relationship, it means those are years of no commitment to one person. These are years of no refrain from giving in to temptation and attraction. The thing is, dynamics for singles and people in a relationship are different. Yes, you might not cheat but you will definitely have a hard time controlling your attraction to someone other than the person you are trying to be committed to.
The thing with being single is that you can flirt all you want with no consequences for your behavior. But when in a relationship you are always under a microscope of how you relate to people of the opposite sex. You might find yourself crossing the ‘inappropriate’ line more often than not. These habits are not that easy to kick.
One of the other effects of being single too long is selfishness. That’s right. In a relationship, you have to plan things together, make decisions together, be considerate of the other person’s feelings and preferences in just about every aspect of life. For someone who has been single for long, this is one of the single struggles. Imagine not having to make compromised then suddenly, you have to drop your favorite things for the other person?
Suddenly, someone tells you that you can’t party as hard or drink as much as you want. The thing is, coexistence is one thing that has to exist in a relationship. But this can be quite challenging for someone who has lived like the world revolves around them for too long. It can be a potentially rocky transition.
Much as caring about the other person’s feelings and opinions can be hard while going through this transition, it can be learned if you meet someone who is patient and understanding enough to walk with you through this journey.
Having to lower your standards
When you begin to lower your standards and compromise what you believe in when choosing a partner, it’s a sure sign that you’ve been alone for too long. But just because you have been alone for too long doesn’t mean that you should bend over backward. Loneliness can really creep up on someone. The desire to be with someone can make a person make some rush decisions when choosing a mate. Don’t ever let the fear of dying alone make you lose sight of the basic and important things you are looking for in a mate. If you choose wrongly, all you will end up with is misery. You will even discover later that you were probably better off alone.
Being negative about relationships
Just because one of your previous relationships ended up badly doesn’t mean that the next one will follow the same path. This is of the many effects of being single too long. Treat every potential mate differently and give someone a chance. Don’t start poking holes before you even give it a try. Always remember, if you are determined to find flaws in anything, you will find flaws.
The thing is, after being alone for too long, people tend to put up walls around them to shield themselves from the hurt that they may have experienced before. You just stop allowing people to approach you romantically. The bad experiences were in the past. Leave them there. Don’t let that affect your future relationships.
Relatives keep wondering why you are single
If you start dreading family events because you don’t want people asking the old age question – “Why haven’t you found someone” or “You must be too picky”, then you definitely have been single for too long. These are very uncomfortable questions that add on to the pressure that you already have because you are probably over 30 and haven’t settled down.
It sucks being single in your 30s
At 30, you will find that most of your friends are either in committed relationships or have settled down. So whenever you want to meet up with your bestie, she or he will probably be with their significant other. So you begin to feel like the third wheel. Then before long, you start getting fewer invites and reasons like “It was a couples’ thing”.
It makes you a better catch!
This is one of the positive effects of being single too long. You are together. You know exactly what you want and what you don’t want in a partner. Being alone makes a person have some level of independence that makes them better partners because they tend to be less clingy.
So here is one thing – never abandon your standards. Believe me, going for what you want will make you much happier, hence making you a better partner overall. Trust your gut. Stop actively looking for problems in people because this just adds on to your own negativity and insecurities. Clinging on to unnecessary negative feelings ad lumping all men or women in one basket as bad, won’t help. Believe in a world of possibilities. Sometimes, all you need to attract the right person is the right attitude.
How long have you been single? Are you feeling the effects of being single too long? Visit or relationships advice section for more articles…