Since the Loving v. Virginia (1967) case, our attitudes towards interracial marriage have greatly improved. In 1958, only 4% of Americans accepted marriages between people of color and whites. Today, the percentage is higher. According to polls, 87% of Americans accept interracial marriage.

Question is: Are these polls a reflection of what Americans truly feel? And if so, why are there numerous incidents of hate crimes against interracial couples? Barely a month ago, a man stabbed an interracial couple for kissing in public. Landlords evict their tenants when they realize they are interracial. So are we lying when polling? Or is the subconscious still struggling with the acceptance of interracial couples?

To test this, Allison Skinner, Psychology Researcher at the University of Washington and her colleague Caitlin Hudac came up with a number of studies to determine how people really feel about interracial relationships and whether people have an underlying bias against interracial couples.

Investigating the insula

Much as our attitudes have supposedly changed, people’s stomachs still churn at the sight of interracial couples, both in real life and even on adverts. Skinner and Hudac asked a sample of white college students to gauge their disgust or acceptance for interracial couples. And as the polls, they claimed to be largely accepting.

When it comes to sensitive matters like race, gender, sexual orientation, self-reporting normally yields false results because people are either unaware of their biases or they just lie about how they truly feel. So the psychologists conducted a second study using an electroencephalogram (EEG) to measure electrical activity in the brain. They then showed the sample 100 pictures of black-white couples and 100 of same-race couples and observed activity in the part the brain called insula – the part activated when someone felt disgust.

Results of the studies.

For most participants, the insula lit up when they viewed pictures of interracial couples as opposed to the same race pictures. Which means the self-reported polls gave false impression of how people feel.

Ramifications of feeling disgusted by interracial couples.

The feeling of disgust normally leads to dehumanization. Since the polls don’t tell the whole story, much as we may not want to admit it, most people still harbor deep set biases against interracial marriage. So when someone is disgusted by interracial couples naturally they would dehumanize them. And this dehumanization could be the reason that even after reporting acceptance, we still find incidents of crimes against interracial couples.

Conclusion

Being disgusted by interracial couples isn’t natural. We are not born biased. As Skinner puts it, “the existence of these biases is evidence of deeply ingrained societal attitudes about race in our culture – and there is a new and growing field of research on methods to reduce these biases… And at its most extreme, dehumanization can lead to acts of violence and cruelty – like the stabbing from earlier this summer.”

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Whilst the thought of interracial marriage being an outright criminal act might seem alien to some of the younger generation, it will still be a vivid memory for many of their parents, grandparents, and other relatives. The fact of the matter is that this kind of institutionalized racism is not yet part of a murky history which we can brush off as being ‘way back in the past.’ It was not until 1967 that it became legal for interracial couples to wed in America.

It is clear to see that much has changed since then – interracial couples and interracial families are now not illegal or even unusual. Yet, there still exists a stubborn stigma around this kind of family makeup (not just in the US but in other countries too). Even though scores of studies have shown that children growing up in interracial households are not given any less love, support, attention, and care, they are still perceived as ‘unfortunate’ and less likely to achieve.

So, the question is, when will interracial families be the norm? It is an important question and one which is, perhaps, even more fundamental that it first appears. After all, it is a clear and immutable fact that, as more and more people kiss, romance, love, and start families with people of different races, the more the lines will start to be blurred between them.

Yes, anthropologists all agree that, at some point in the future, the human race will begin to take on a much more ‘universal’ skin tone. It will be harder to distinguish between races and the majority of people will be somewhere in the middle of the scale, as regards color. Once we reach this point, interracial families will not only not be unusual, they will be the norm.

What about now? What is life like for interracial families in western societies right now? How quickly are we progressing? Well, in 2010, a record 8.4% of all marriages in America were between two people of different races. Whilst this might sound like a tiny amount, the figure was a lowly 3.2% in 1980. In 1987, only 48% of Americans believed that it was okay for ‘blacks and whites to mix.’ In 2012, that figure reached 83%, which is a massive increase in a relatively short space of time, anthropologically speaking.

There are some interesting trends which appear within this kind of data too. For example, Hispanic and Asian people are the most likely to marry a person of another race. Plus, black people are, at this point in time, far more likely to wed white people than ever before – despite continuing fluctuations in their overall level of social segregation.

If we look at what really lies at the heart of the issue – children – it seems impossible to see interracial marriage as anything less valuable or magical than any other kind of union. As already outlined, there is no evidence (and never has been) to suggest that interracial families are fundamentally any different to others. They laugh, cry, play, bond, and grow in exactly the same way as any family does.

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One day, two members of our site met online. It all began when “BJack11” sent “PrettyRN0714” a Flirt… “I purchased a membership to respond to the Flirt,” says LaTanya, the gal whose profile handle was PrettyRN. “We exchanged brief pleasantries and then exchanged phone numbers shortly after.”

Brandon (BJack11) had put together an austere but intriguing profile. LaTanya says she found it “very simplistic and vague; mysterious in a way.” Perusing her profile, Brandon thought that LaTanya was more direct in what she wrote. “You can see her personality in black and white,” he observes. “She spelled out everything she wanted in a man.”

With him, LaTanya liked what she saw. “He’s totally my type: handsome, a gentleman, educated.” Brandon’s reaction was “very similar,” he tells us, noting that LaTanya’s profile told him that this woman was “educated and classy.”

What was it that led LaTanya to pursue this particular avenue in her search for love? “I was persuaded by friends/co-workers to try online dating,” she informs us. “Initially I joined one other site that I found to be overwhelming, and I deleted my account shortly after joining.”

So she signed up here. Turns out we were the first Internet personals site Brandon had used. “I tried it on a whim,” he says. “Never in a million years would I have thought I’d find love online!”

“I was very skeptical and pessimistic,” LaTanya agrees. And yet they signed up at around the same time and were only members for two weeks before connecting. “The phone conversation just flowed really well, and meeting in person was naturally the next step,” recalls La Tanya.

Brandon was ready to meet, too. “The level of ‘comfortability’ was there, and I wanted to put a face to the profile,” he elaborates.

So arrangements were made and Date Night soon arrived. “We met at a restaurant in my city — Baton Rouge, Louisiana,” LaTanya informs us. She thought her date was “very handsome, shorter than I expected, and a true gentleman.”

Brandon quickly got a read on LaTanya and her personality. “She’s very lady-like, prissy, and a snob,” he laughs. None of that was a strike against her, though. What surprised them most about their first date was “how comfortable the interaction was.” Both singles report being “100% sure” they’d go out again.

Still, they might not have done that if Brandon hadn’t followed up. “He was very persistent,” concedes LaTanya. There was no letting this slip through the cracks. And why was Brandon so devoted to her? “She’s extremely honest and compassionate,” he says.

While they want to make it work, the couple is “still facing an obstacle: distance from one another,” as LaTanya puts it. Brandon nods, indicating that “distance and the fact that she has children” were challenges for him.

All those difficulties faded away for LaTanya, all at once… “I had an epiphany one night after getting off the phone,” she remembers. “His persistence, reassurance, and accessibility sold me on the relationship.”

It was a no-brainer for Brandon. He wanted to make this work. “She was everything I always wanted in a woman, and I felt like she was Heaven sent,” he tells us earnestly.

LaTanya has no regrets. “I wake up every day happy and looking forward to the future,” she smiles. Brandon can relate to that. “According to my co-workers, I’m happier in my daily life, and I now work with a purpose to provide for my future family.”

Here are their suggestions for singles on the hunt for love. “Be patient,” begins LaTanya. “Chat for a while until you’re comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers. Make sure that his efforts match yours. Don’t settle. Be yourself, and not a representation of yourself.”

Brandon’s on board with all that. “Be patient. Look at the online dating world like the real world; you may converse with four people and only be compatible with one. It’s not speed dating! Take a chance. Make sure there is substance behind the look and profile. Be genuine.”

Theirs is a genuine love affair, that’s for sure!

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Some people make judgements about interracial relationships that are totally unfounded. This is often due to plain and simple racism.judgements about interracial relationships that are totally unfounded. This is often due to plain and simple racism.

Deciding things are a certain way because of who you choose to have a relationship with is a very narrow viewpoint, often held by people that are uneducated and blinkered. I used to be in a relationship with an African man (I’m white British) and was shocked by comments that people felt fine to make in front of me, sometimes even by my friends.

Here are ten examples of offensive judgments and preconceptions that most people in multi racial or multi cultural relationships have probably heard:

1. That you have to eat ‘funny’ foods. As in any relationship each partner will have their personal preferences for what they like to eat, and sometimes you need to negotiate. However, just because a person is from a certain country it doesn’t meant that all they eat is that country’s national dish.

2. That you have certain sexual preferences. A lot of people have stereotypes about the kind of love life you will experience because of someone’s ethnicity; for example black men being well endowed or Scandinavian women loving to be naked. Making judgments like this about people’s personal lives is simply rude; as with any other relationship sexual preference is an individual choice that is a private thing.

3. That you are only attracted to people of that nationality. People are in relationships with people that they are attracted to and get along with on an individual level. Just because someone is attracted to one person from a country it doesn’t mean that they fancy every man or women from that place, or only want to be with people from that place.

4. That you have to change your religion or way of dress. Being in a relationship with someone from a different culture doesn’t automatically mean that you have to change your own cultural habits and practices to please them. Many interracial couples manage to maintain their own traditions by showing each other understanding and respect, just as in any other relationship where there is a difference of opinion.

5. Mixed race children are confused and targets of bullying. Although bullying can sometimes be an issue, children can be bullied for many reasons whether they are mixed race or not; sometimes other children are nasty just because they don’t know any better. Bringing up a child in a dual culture can be very rewarding, as they get to experience many different aspects of life and learn tolerance, respect and understanding as a result.

6. Your family will hate your partner. Many people assume that your parents won’t be happy with your choice of lover due to their ethnicity, which is a strange thing assume. Many people’s parents aren’t racist at all, and just want their child to be happy with their partner, no matter where they are from.

7. All interracial couples have to consist of one black and one white partner. The world is a big place made up of many different countries, and an inter cultural relationship is defined as consisting of two people with different nationalities.

8. That all your friends are of that nationality as well. When people realised that my boyfriend was black they tended to assume that all my friends were black, and that I knew the whole black population of my town, neither of which was true. I still had the same friends and knew the same people as I did before; the people I met through my boyfriend weren’t all black either as he had a mixed group of friends of all races and cultures.

9. That you want to immerse yourself in your partner’s country or culture. A lot of people assume that because you have chosen to date someone from a certain country it’s because you are really enthusiastic about where they are from. They expect you to wear the clothes, cook the food and have lots of cultural stuff in your house. This is generally totally untrue, as people have their own way of living regardless of where they are from.

10. That you don’t think you are good enough to get someone from your own background. This is one of the most horrible things people say without being openly abusive. To assume one culture or country is better than another is totally disrespectful and rude. People that openly make statements like this are generally bigoted and hold racist views.

As you can see, being in an interracial relationship is not really different to any other. You need to respect and listen to your partner and try and compromise if you have any differences of opinion. The problems that are unique have far more to do with what people from the outside perceive and question than anything that actually happens within the relationship itself.

The post Ten Myths About Interracial Couples That Need To Be Quashed Right Now appeared first on Love is all colors.

Pamela and Brad are yet another couple to meet on our site and make plans to marry. We asked Pamela what attracted her to online dating. “I didn’t like the dating scene, and it was convenient,” she tells us, adding that she felt “very confident” our service would succeed in her case.

After posting a profile with the username “Ashantae,” Pamela discovered a member she found interesting. “BradBigBad” seemed like a cool guy, so she sent him a Flirt. “I thought he was very handsome, and he talked about his daughter [in his profile]. It showed me that he was family-oriented. And he was confident! I love that fact.”

Pamela quickly found herself ready to meet in real life. “After talking on the phone, we were more than ready,” she informs us. “Our first-time meeting is when we sealed the deal.”

When they met in person, she was struck by his youthful good looks. “He really didn’t look his age!” Pamela exclaims. “We both look good for our age, and we look good together,” she adds. This date happened at the airport because miles of country separated them.

As their relationship deepened, she discovered Brad’s hidden talents. “He is an amazing cook,” Pamela notes, appreciatively. Apparently he left that out of his profile! As they continued to date Pamela was happy to mark off all her key checkboxes, saying that Brad is “very similar, in a lot of ways” to what she wanted in a partner all along. “Brad is exactly what I was looking for,” Pamela says, getting moony-eyed over her man.

There were hurdles to overcome, of course. “We had to decide who was going to move,” reveals Pamela. “Also, we had to make a list of things we would work on together to make us a couple.”

All that went well. Before long they were getting serious, and the sound of wedding bells echoed in their minds. “It was a mutual decision, but once Brad came to Chicago he asked, ‘Can you spend the next 60 years with me?’” recalls the bride-to-be.

Obviously, she answered that question in the affirmative. “Brad has changed my life in so many ways, I feel like I can’t count them all,” gushes Pamela.

We won’t ask her to do that, but we did check to see if she had any advice for our readers. “Don’t give up! It does work, you just have to weed out the bad ones to find that one good one,” Pamela reminds us.

Sure sounds like she’s found a good one.

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When “Tayza010” met “Mr. Vi,” sparks flew. But how did these profile handles and the people behind them come to be on our site? Here’s LaTayza’s recollection… “I somehow came across the interracial dating page on Facebook and was wowed by the stories, so I decided to follow the page. Later, I decided to join the site.”

Was she an online dating newb? “Yes, this was my first experience with online dating, and I’m happy to call it my last,” beams LaTayza.

Vitali (“Mr. Vi”) was also new to this but thought that our site would give him better odds of meeting someone. “I decided to try it because, why not? Girls don’t talk to me in real life because I’m ugly,” he laughs. “So I gave it a shot!”

Going in, LaTayza worried this whole thing might be a waste of time. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect,” she tells us. “I pretty much thought I would only chat with a few people here and there, and never make it past that point. I was also a little skeptical I was going to meet someone in person, because the whole thing was so new to me.”

Vitali saw this as a complete “Hail Mary” play. “I wasn’t confident at all to find my love. I thought it was a joke!”

Given their trepidation, it is kind of funny that it took LaTayza just a month of membership to find Vitali. He had barely logged in, before that. “I was on the site maybe half a year, but I didn’t really use it before we started talking,” admits Vitali.

So how did that happen? “I ended up sending Vitali a Flirt,” LaTayza reports. “He responded ‘yes,’ he was interested. And it just went from there.”

Several things about Vitali sparked LaTayza’s interest. “He was good looking, for one. Haha! His profile didn’t say much, only that he was from Russia, kinda new to the country, and looking for a nice family-oriented girl. It was like a mystery I was ready to solve. I love the result.”

Vitali felt drawn to her right away. “I saw her pictures and was like ‘wow, she is hot!’ I fell in love just seeing her pictures.”

They didn’t want to rely entirely on lenses and screens, of course. “After Skyping every single day, I’m pretty sure both of us grew tired of just seeing each other via video — well, at least I was,” laughs LaTayza. “When we talked, he actually put effort into his conversations. Later we joked about driving and meeting each other halfway, but ended up doing it one day as a spur-of-the moment kind of thing. The night before I asked him and he said yes.”

Vitali nods emphatically. “I loved everything about her. I knew I was ready.” LaTayza remembers the excited rush that preceded their meeting. “We both got ready within hours and drove a little over five hours,” she says. Vitali jumps in there to add, “I drove to Pennsylvania from New York and she from Indiana. It was such a long drive, and I was on a motorcycle.”

Before Vitali arrived, LaTayza had to get her head right. “I was soooo nervous. I arrived before him, so I anticipated the moment and had to get my nerves together before he showed up. But I thought, ‘I can’t believe I get to hug you in person!’”

Once LaTayza’s nerves were under control, their time together was very relaxing. “We met in a small town in Pennsylvania at a park, where we had a little picnic,” she says. What surprised her the most about this experience was “How kind he was. He was everything I expected, and just how he portrayed himself on Skype. His accent was heavy because he’s from Russia, but I had gotten used to it by then. And his eyes were even more gorgeous in person!”

After the success of their first date, the duo felt certain they would do this again. “I wasn’t only sure I wanted to see him again, I knew he was someone I wanted to spend my life with,” declares LaTayza.

Vitali gazes affectionately at his partner. “I enjoyed every second with you, even though I was tired and sleepy as hell.” He tells us that he didn’t have any doubts about his desire to proceed. “I knew I wanted to be with her, and that I already loved her.”

There are almost always obstacles in a couple’s path, and this case was no exception. “He kinda had a crazy ex-girlfriend, which was quite an obstacle,” LaTayza laughs. “And of course, getting used to the distance was a challenge.”

Vitali had his own view of it. “My obstacles were her ex and thinking that some guy would try to steal her from me because I wasn’t there with her,” he says, voicing a concern that many in long-distance relationships share.

But no exes or new contenders could tear these two away from each other. The sometimes-bumpy road led them to a happy destination: engagement! “He asked me on Skype, just joking to see what I would say, but when he asked in person I knew he was serious,” LaTayza informs us.

Vitali will never forget that day. “I asked her in Washington, in front of the Lincoln Memorial,” he says. “I wanted to get married then and there and just go sign some papers, have a big wedding later, but we decided to wait.”

Now that they’re betrothed to be married and this relationship is as solid as the stone of the Washington Monument, LaTayza can reflect on how her life has changed. “It’s changed my life because I feel like I don’t have to look for love any longer and go through the horrible dating process. I’m positive that this guy is gonna be by my side forever. This is only the beginning… Thanks to you guys!”

“She changed my life because she’s the girl I’ve always been waiting for. I’m a little upset it took her so long,” laughs Vitali.

We asked LaTayza if Vitali was her type, or if she had to learn to appreciate his good qualities. She ponders that before answering. “Well I don’t really have a type, except that he’d have to be somewhat attractive in my eyes, and a guy who could make me smile and laugh. He did that so constantly my cheeks would hurt from smiling so much!”

Vitali wouldn’t change anything about LaTayza. “She is exactly what I expected,” he says. “She has a beautiful smile. She’s smart, tough, kind, and takes care of herself. She makes me smile and sings for me. I love everything about her.”

Here are a few words of encouragement for singles still looking for “The One” online. “I say, never say never,” LaTayza opines. “Anything could happen! You might meet your Romeo or Prince Charming online. Don’t knock it until you try it. Going online is one of the best things that ever happened to me. There’s someone out there waiting for you, it just takes time and patience.”

For LaTayza and Vitali, their patience was rewarded.

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