Maybe you have just learned you have been infected with the virus that causes HIV. Or perhaps you have been dealing with the diagnosis for a long time. Regardless you have a decision to make when you meet people who you could consider as mate material. Having an STD (sexually transmitted disease) unfortunately opens those with who you may be intimate to risk. Because of this very real hazard to their health you must find a way to discuss the issue. Despite the uncertainty, fear, and embarrassment of telling a new crush that you have the HIV virus it must be done. Here are some ideas how to approach that discussion.

Be Selective


Be cautious about making the decision to tell someone who interests you until you are certain you are interested in taking the relationship to a sexual level. Flirt and hang out for a few times first. Making sure this is a person you want to know your secrets. If you decide a sexual relationship is not in the cards you can still tell the person. However, the urgency and timing is not so critical. When you tell someone about your HIV status what are you expecting them to do in return? Good friends hopefully offer support, mere acquaintances may get anxious or confused. Either type will then have a crucial piece of information they can share as they please, Make certain you disclose to those you must tell or those for whom telling will not cause you unintended consequences.

Make A Plan

If you do want to pursue a sexual relationship with a person who does not know your HIV infected status take the time to plan for a discussion prior to the first sexual encounter. It is never smart or fair to “just mention” it when things are heating up or especially if drugs or alcohol are making one or both of you less cautious.

Find a quiet place.

Start by saying you need to let them know something because you care about them and want there to be no essential things unsaid.

Be direct and precise. If you are still learning about what your HIV status means because the diagnosis is a new one for you, admit that.

If possible offer to give them materials that explain the diagnosis in terms of what it means for potential sexual partners.

Stay calm and controlled.

Ask if there are any questions you can answer. If you do not know the answer to one offer to find out.

Give he person time and space to absorb the information.

Gauge The Response

It will be a rare person who does not need to consider the information for a bit, so be patient and kind. It is possible the person will counter with a similar disclosure, about HIV or another STD, so be willing to open up and ask your own questions.

Do Not Take Rejection Personally


Although it may not feel personal, a potential lover who backs away is retreating from the diagnosis, not you. The pain may be the same, but consider that you needed to know this response and move on.