You might be starting to think he’s watching too much porn. Or maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did. Out of the blue, he starts suggesting all sorts of freakery in the bedroom. The problem is you’re just not feeling it.

The Dirty Talk

When you’re having sex, he’s started talking dirty, really dirty. And you wonder if his mother knows how filthy his mouth is. He tries to drag you into a sex shop while you’re out shopping when all you were trying to find was asparagus. You’re trying to create a home and it seems he’s trying to design a dungeon.

Don’t panic. Sometimes guys get ideas in their head. Or they might have even had those ideas for a very long time. And now they just are feeling safe and comfortable enough to share them with you. Now, that doesn’t help much if your idea of a sexy night in is a gentle massage, followed by some nice love making and then lying in each other’s arms cuddling until you fall asleep. You may find that it’s time to talk.

Sex talk

Talking about sex, desires, and needs can be a little bit uncomfortable at the best of times. If you’re not used to talking about it, you can be mortifyingly embarrassed. But if you’re already exchanging bodily fluids and rubbing your body parts together, perhaps it’s time to get over your hang-ups and open up a little bit. If you don’t, you may just find that one of you starts to search elsewhere to get your needs met and that’s probably not the outcome either of you are hoping for.

If you don’t feel that you can simply start a conversation over dinner or when you’re having some time to hang out together, you could always turn it into a little game. ‘I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours’ is a fun way to start opening up about sexual fantasies. He may even surprise and excite him with some of yours. The important thing is that you can then start to explore ways to meet each other’s needs and have fun doing it.

Be willing to try new things

Trust and a willingness to try new things is key when learning about each other and your sexual needs. If you don’t try it, how do you know you don’t like it? So, if his idea of a really hot romp includes bondage, why not compromise and find a way to see if you could make it work for you. Maybe you could suggest tying him up to see how you feel about that sort of power exchange in your sex lives. Or, if that really isn’t going to work for him, maybe you could role play instead of using real bondage tools. Holding onto the headboard and promising not to let go could turn out to be fun for both of you, especially if part of the agreement included ensuring that you get a great orgasm.

If cuddling is your thing, then make sure that he knows that you need that and want it. And, even better, that it turns you on. He may be kinky, but ultimately, he also wants you to be horny and relaxed in the bedroom. You never know. Once you hear his fantasies, you may just discover that there’s a bit of freak inside you that you never even knew about.