Dating after divorce can be a hard step to take. One thing stands out here; divorce sucks! No one will throw the biggest wedding and smile at the camera (till their cheeks hurt!) on their special day if they knew it wasn’t going to last forever. While we may all wish for a forever union, sadly, some end up in divorce. Dating after divorce for a man or woman is no easy walk in the park. Deciding to start dating after divorce for a woman, especially after getting hurt shows how brave you are. For some, the end of their marriage is met with great joy and freedom. For others, it is a grievous process wrought with denial, red-hot anger, bargaining and pleading, depression and eventually, acceptance.

Read on and find out what to expect when you decide to dive back into the dating world…

How to start dating again

Your divorce is different from someone else’s. There are no rules set in stone on how to start dating again. No matter what, I am a firm believer that love can still be found after a divorce. It might seem scary but you are strong enough to find it.

How to get a date?

Dates won’t come packaged at your door step. You have to go out or consciously put yourself out to be found! Here are some tips that’ll help you put yourself out there:

Get to the acceptance phase

If you are thinking of how to get a date and make the jump on the love train again, please make sure you have reached the acceptance phase. The only way you can reach this stage is to give yourself enough time to heal. Rushing in will only result in casual rebounds and mindless sex after divorce that’ll make you feel worse about yourself. Only you can tell if you are ready to date again. If you decide to start having sex after divorce, make sure you are ready for that casual hookup first. This isn’t the time to get too emotional with someone else.

Understand that the fear will creep up on you from time to time

With divorce comes questions of what your future will be, how society will judge you and how you will ever find love again. Sadly, the ability to love comes with certain vulnerabilities. Always know that these fears are normal. You have to be ready to open yourself up again to possible rejection and more hurt. On the other hand, you could also find the right one for you. However, you cannot get the reward if you let the fear stop you from taking the risk.

Do not say those negative words!!!

Yap! I am dead serious. You cannot be thinking of dating again and still have some negative words in your vocabulary. Statements like “all men are scum”, “love is nothing but pain”, “I am pretty sure all the good ones are taken” need to leave your vocabulary. While it is understandable, especially when you were badly scarred by your divorce, these statements kill your mood. Remember, you attract what you believe.

Kill the self-doubt

“…Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me say

I really don’t think you’re strong enough…”

These particular lyrics to Cher’s song “Believe” come to mind here! Why do we always feel like something has to be wrong with us if any misfortune befalls us? Most divorcees are always plagued with the thought that there has to be something wrong with them for their marriage to end up in divorce. You need to kill the voice that says you are not good enough or strong enough because it is deadly to your self-confidence.

Try not to take rejections personal especially when your date bails on you. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you. This is obviously one of the most recited divorce advice for women.

Do not hide behind the kids

Most divorcees with kids are scared to go into the dating game again because of the possible disapproval of their kids. If you feel ready to start dating again, don’t let your kids discourage you. Openly let them know that you are ready, but do not apologize for wanting to find love again. When they see how happy you are, they are bound to come around. I guess at the end of the day, kids just want their parents to be happy.

You need to understand what you want from dating. Do you want something short? Are you looking for a partner who will be ready to go through life’s hurdles with you? Whatever your reasons, make sure they are clear to you. However, take things slow. Do not be quick to rush into another relationship unless you are ready.

The process of dating after divorce is a learning process, You will begin to uncover new things about yourself. Enjoy the process and learn to appreciate the person you see staring back at you in the mirror. “Beautiful things will never get finished in the market”, as my mother would always say. Well, in this context, it means that there will always be a wonderful, decent and honest guys and ladies out in the world. Nothing should stop you from landing one.

Visit Love is all colors for more advice on how to handle divorce…