You and your partner want to try a new kink: Bondage/Domination/SadoMasochism, or BDSM for short. It is an exciting world of role-playing. Exploring new sensations of pleasure and pain, and experiencing the mental satisfaction of control and surrender. However, it can be intense and even dangerous if not embarked upon carefully. Seasoned devotees understand the rules, but newbies need to be especially cognizant of consent, safety, and protocol. Here is a list of Dos and Don’ts that will make your play safer and more enjoyable for both the dominant (dom) and submissive (sub) partners.

DO: Make bondage escapable.

“Inescapable” bondage is fine for porno movies with a dozen people on set to render assistance. However, if you are just with your partner in the privacy of your home, that should not be the case. In the event of something serious and unexpected happening, the restraints should be able to be slipped or collapsed, or the sub should be able to actually reach the releases. If a dom should have a heart attack, stroke, or seizure, and the sub can’t call for help or provide assistance, or if a candle should start an unexpected blaze, tragedy could ensue.

DON’T: Ignore your sub’s concerns.

Above all, the dom/sub relationship is one of trust. A sub must feel that he or she is ultimately being cared for by the dom. No matter how rough the actual play. As Madonna once put it, “It’s letting someone hurt you that you know would never hurt you.” If all you want to do is go to town on someone without worrying whether they are getting hurt, buy a doll. Otherwise, make sure your sub is comfortable with every aspect of play; if your sub is new to BDSM or is a new partner for you, advance very slowly and test boundaries cautiously. Communication is paramount.

DO: Have a “safe word”

A safe word that the sub can call out to alert the dom that the sub is feeling overwhelmed, either physically or emotionally, and that all activity needs to stop until the sub confirms that he or she feels okay to continue or needs the session to end. This is a special word that is unlikely to be used during normal BDSM activities; because some partners enjoy when the sub role-plays unwillingness, which may include shouting, “No! Stop!” and other such things, the safe word should be something odd, like ‘blueberry’. If the sub is gagged or otherwise unable to speak clearly, there should be a “safe sound”–three short grunts is typical–or a “safe gesture”.

DON’T: Cause actual damage.

A bruise or a welt here and there is not necessarily cause for alarm; those heal. But there are more dangers afoot than you may realize: Anal penetration that is too rough or hurried can not only cause too much pain for the sub to handle, but can also lead to more serious problems, from hemorrhoids to anal fissures. Bondage that is too tight can cut off the circulation; pins-and-needles are one thing, but tissue death is another completely. Check often to make sure that your sub’s hands or other bound parts are not feeling numb or getting cold to the touch; that’s a tip-off that circulation is sluggish. If so, release the pressure and massage to restore circulation (this can happen with nipples, as well; sucking is a good way to restore blood flow).

DO: Ensure “aftercare”.

The BDSM experience can be very intense, and subs can sometimes “drop”, or have an adverse reaction of shame or depression afterward (sometimes not immediately afterward, so a dom might not realize there’s a problem). To stave this off, the dom should show care for the sub. Cuddling and chatting afterward helps transition back out of roleplay mode. And it ensures that a caring relationship does exist, especially if the BDSM session involved degradation or verbal abuse.

Abide by these rules faithfully, and you should be good to go. Enjoy!

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With the popularity of porn and the crazy mainstream success of novels and movies that involve sadomasochistic sex scenes, it’s starting to become apparent that vanilla is no longer the sexual flavor that people prefer. There was a time when people considered spanking, tickling, light bondage and stockings as risqué. However, thrill-seeking adults are starting to become familiar with more extreme forms of sexual pleasure. Exciting, fun and thrilling sex can often be a little bit rough and dangerous. So it’s important to be well versed in how to make sure everyone stays safe so that they’ll want to come again. That’s what it’s all about, after all, isn’t it?

What constitutes rough sex?

‘Rough sex’ is a term that can encompass many different types of bedroom activities. These range from rape fantasies to choking from bondage to cock and ball torture. Oh my! The possibilities are endless… But then so are the risks. If you’re going to be playing sex games that can lead to bruising, bleeding, fear, terror or even the loss of consciousness, it’s a good idea that you know how to do these things safely. There’s no doubt at all that living on the edge can be unbelievably arousing. But none of us wants to end our f@ck fest with a trip to the ER.

Plan ahead

It might seem obvious, but the first and most important thing when you’re planning to participate in some hardcore rough sex is consent. Everyone involved needs to know what is going on and have expressed their willingness to participate. Then everyone needs to agree on a ‘safe word’. This is a word that can be used at any time, by any participant to stop whatever is happening immediately and for any reason. It is not possible to have safe rough sex without an agreed ‘safe word’ that everyone can be trusted to respect.

Get consent

Rough sex often involves the use of toys and equipment. If this is the case, you need to make sure that everything you are using is clean and disinfected. Equipment must be fit for its purpose and in good condition. Ensure that it doesn’t break in the middle of frantic and wild activity. Good quality lube should be available and used liberally. Not only will this reduce tears and abrasions, but you’ll be able to use whichever orifice you’re abusing for much longer when properly lubricated. You don’t want to wear it out before you’re finished with it.

Safety first

If you are planning rough sex games that have a risk of serious injury or even death such as asphyxiation, extreme bondage, electricity play, piercing or cutting then you need to learn how to perform these skills safely before trying them out with a new partner. Some of these more radical types of erotic play are not for the fair weather f@cker or faint of heart. Join a BDSM club. Get to know some of the Doms and Dommes and learn. These people practice and train to perfect their craft. Not only does learning how to do these things properly make sure that you’re doing them safely, but it also will maximize the pleasure for you and your partner.

Another place you don’t want to end up is at the police station. So think carefully about where you are going to have your bit of rough and tumble. If the neighbors hear screaming and hitting, the first thing that will come to mind may not be that you’re about to give your partner the best orgasm of their life. They may just pick up the phone and provide you with an embarrassing case of cops interruptus. The only handcuffs you want to see are those you’ve used to pin down your partner while you make them beg you to f@ck them.

Rough sex can be some of the most fun sex. Just make sure you plan things properly. Know what you’re doing, how to do it safely and where to do it without getting into trouble. When you’ve made sure you’re safe, everyone can enjoy the f@cking.  And it can be as loud, rough and rowdy as you both want it to be.

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