It’s virtually harmless to flirt with the cute barman who always doubles up your drinks at no extra cost. Or even to go out for drinks with your work colleagues – one of which includes a very sexy, recently separated, Adonis. Isn’t it? While it might be relatively easy to give into temptation and spend the night with someone who seems to care more about you than household chores, bills, or sports games, the cheaters of this world know that it isn’t as easy to get back from it.

Research suggests that cheating on a partner doesn’t necessarily mean that you have fallen out of love, or even that a third party has entered the equation. (Although don’t get us wrong, we have witnessed the end of a lot of relationships thanks to an “irresistible” other man or other woman.) But a lot of the time, women in particular have been found to cheat due to a number of factors. These range from low self-esteem, to bad sex, to boredom, among others. And since a lot of women have confessed to regretting their cheating actions, we’ve compiled a short but hopefully very helpful list to give your marriage one final go and help you resist from straying from your betrothed. Here goes:

1. Spice up your sex life.

   If a mediocre performance between the sheets is what’s making you tempted to complete that secret online dating profile, then all hope might not be lost just yet. There are many tricks to instantly spicing up a sex life; from buying sexy new lingerie (try surprising him with it one night, or if you’re feeling brave, go shopping for it together to make sure he likes it!) to trying new positions, introducing toys, roleplay and much more. Switch off the TV in your bedroom, dim the lights, and put on some mood music instead.

2. Go back to basics.

   Try a relaxing bubble bath for two, a romantic meal without the kids or any other distractions, don’t talk about the bills or enquire about trash day, just let go and take it back to the good old days. Try and strip things back and remember why you fell in love in the first place. If getting dressed up and having a romantic, candlelit dinner is all you’re after, then there’s no reason not to look to your husband for it.

3. Do something you love.

   No, we aren’t talking about the mailman. Since a lot of women attribute boredom to their affairs, it makes sense to keep your mind, body and soul occupied. Learn a new skill. Go to an evening class. Join a salsa dancing group. Practice yoga. Give back to charity. The list is virtually endless. If you think you’ll be less likely to stray with company by your side, then grab the girls and hit the cocktail bars. Spending time out of the house with your greatest gal pals is surely better than sitting at home contemplating a one night stand with the handsome intern at the office.

4. Don’t hold grudges.

   Did your former flame or even your now-husband cheat on you at the start of your relationship? Don’t let your past dictate your present and future. Learn to let it go and focus on what you have. Some meditation or even some counseling might help.

5. Try couples counseling.

   Speaking of counseling, talking to a trained professional instead of your opinionated best friend over a seemingly never-ending glass of chardonnay is probably a good idea. If you’re thinking about cheating, then perhaps not all is right with the relationship. And since it might be something very small and probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things, it might make sense to attend counseling with your partner in tow. Perhaps he holds the answers to where the relationship is going off course.

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Avoir.The pain, humiliation and anguish you feel when your girlfriend or boyfriend cheats is intense. Infidelity, once confirmed, can turn your life upside down, making you question everything about your relationship. Some people just walk away, unable to deal with the situation. Others try to work through and past the cheating. They take steps to reestablish the relationship. If you want to try to repair things after this significant breach of your love and trust, try the following steps.

Require Disclosure — On Your Terms

In order to move on you need to have a clear idea what you are leaving in the rear view mirror. Think about what you want and need to know about the affair. Ask your partner to share that information with you. An important part of this disclosure is that you dictate the terms. If you want a full accounting be prepared for it to be painful. So think about limiting the discussion to short periods of time. A couple times a week is ideal until you understand what you need to know. Try to listen, absorb and then look to the future. Don’t dwell.

Mandate All Connection And Contact With The Third Party Cease

If your boyfriend or girlfriend will not agree to stop seeing, talking with, texting or otherwise maintaining a relationship with the other man or woman, stop. This is when you make the decision, no matter how painful, to break it off with the cheater. Hard as it is face the reality, if your loved one is still connected with the third party days are numbered for your primary relationship.

Expect Apologies — But Accept Only When You Are Ready

Infidelity creates major damage to a relationship, devastation out of all proportion to a simple and swift “I’m sorry.” No matter how contrite and sincere the apology is take a big step back and ponder whether you need more reassurance. Again if the relationship transgressor feels all that is needed is an apology and he or she seem irritated that bald statement doesn’t “fix” things maybe you need to show him or her the door.

Set Boundaries And Follow Through When They Are Breached

To rebuild trust, you will need be able to believe your boyfriend or girlfriend again. Before that trust can grow on its own you have to be sure your loved one is willing to make major concessions to rebuilding it. Depending on your needs and personality you might want frequent phone calls or messaging when you are apart. Boys’ or girls’ nights out may be off the table as you reweave the relationship. If you work or go to school near each other maybe you meet for breaks and meals, particularly if those times gave him or her opportunities to pursue their affair before discovery. If her or she chafes at these constraints again it might be wiser to call it quits.

Get Some Professional Help

Schedule couple’s counseling with a reputable family therapist. A professional can help both of work through what happened to make one of you violate your commitment. Avoid finger pointing and excuses and their toxic aftermath by seeing an experienced counselor toguide you both through the steps needed to realign and balance your relationship. You may also want to seek individual counseling to help you regain your self-esteem. If you are wavering when a cheater is still exhibiting disregard for you and your needs sessions with your own counselor can help you make healthy choices for a better life for you after your partner cheats.

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