It’s natural for sexually active adults to have fantasies. Our fantasy world is where we can play out scenarios that we’ve experienced in the past. We can recreate them for our own enjoyment or where we can play out scenarios that we’ve never experienced. Sexual fantasies vary greatly and are as creative as our imagination allows. Some fantasies might be very basic and about having sex with an ex-partner, a current partner, a famous person or someone we invent in our mind.
Fantasies are great, but are yours illegal?
The thing is that fantasies, like our dreams, can be difficult to control at times. And occasionally we might even find that the things we think about or associate with sex in our minds can disturb us a little bit. That’s not always a bad thing. Many people are able to act out their fantasies with consenting partners. They even have wonderful and exciting sexual experiences as a result. Some people even turn their fantasies into lifestyle choices. They allow them to meet other like-minded people for adult fun and adventures.
Where it gets tricky is that some fantasies are dark and dirty and might even be slightly illegal. They can involve rape and other non-consensual activities. Books, movies or comics inspire some of them. Some might be a fetish that has never been explored in reality. They might be inspired by personal experiences, religion or even family circumstances. For some, fantasies are a cathartic way to deal with past trauma. The good news is that there are no thought police – yet. Things that you fantasize about are your own personal secrets until you share them with someone or try to experience them in reality.
Can your fantasy work in real life?
It’s not always wise to try to make fantasies reality and there are many reasons for that. In your fantasy world, things are exactly as you want them to be. You know what you want out of your sexual fantasy and you don’t allow for distractions. That’s not how real life works. And it’s often the case that when people try things they have fantasized about, it’s a huge let down. This is because it’s just not the same.
Say, for example, you’ve always fantasized about risky outdoor sex and you decide to give it a try. Suddenly, the idea of getting arrested, while you’re cold, damp and have sticks poking into your ass cheeks just doesn’t seem so sexy anymore. The same could be said for screwing the pool boy, your secretary or bank manager. Not only are those fantasies very unlikely to play out in the real world like they have in your mind, but acting on them could affect your life in a very negative way.
Are your fantasies worth sharing?
It seems that in these days of ‘anything goes’ sexually, it can be tempting to want to try out all of your fantasies. However, it’s important to be really clear with yourself that some things are better kept in your head and not shared. If you really do need to share them and there is any chance you might be breaking the law by doing so, then sharing them with a therapist first might be wise. When the need to make a fantasy real becomes a compulsion and there is a risk that doing that could hurt you or anyone else, that’s when it’s becoming unhealthy and possibly dangerous.
If you feel safe and secure with your partner and you feel that by sharing your fantasies you’ll enhance your relationship, then that’s a great thing. We encourage this. If you feel that it would harm your relationship in any way, it’s probably best to keep them to yourself.