Men and women use different strategies and frequently want different things when communicating with others. This disparity can cause misunderstandings, hurt feelings and frustration for both parties.

You may have experienced this with many women in your life. But it takes on critical importance when you are trying to develop a rapport with a new romantic interest or you are working hard on improving an established relationship. Dating can be so much richer and satisfying when you really connect with that special woman.

Use these five secrets to bring you closer through communicating with her effectively..


listenMany men approach any topic of conversation as a problem that needs solving. Women use words to convey emotions and feelings. They often work through how they have and will react to a situation by discussing at some length the many ways it impacts them. If you take charge of a conversation by defining the problem for your lady and declaring the ultimate solution be prepared for at the least irritation. This may evolve into outright anger for your premature assistance.


Mirroring is a technique where you restate what you have heard once you have given her the time and space to ruminate fully on a subject. Letting her know you have truly heard her opinions and concerns is very important – and sexy — for most women. This will make you stand out in a crowd of well-meaning but forceful problem solving gentlemen vying for her attention.

Ask Clarifying Questions

ask-questionsYou do not need to mindlessly agree or just make pleasant murmurings as your date chats. If you are confused or want to delve deeper into what makes her tick, ask questions that help you understand. Avoid demanding explanations for why she feels a certain way. Instead, ask question that explore how she got to her opinion or conclusion. Show real interest in the journey she is taking to become the woman she is.

No Interruptions

Wait for natural pauses to restate what you are hearing or inquire further into the information she is sharing. Talking over anyone is aggressive and can be a major turn off as you get to know each other. If you feel like you will never have a chance to jump into the conversation if you wait for her to take a breath, change your body position. Lean over and take her hand. If you know each other well use a kind gesture to get a moment to add. You could also ask what you need in the conversation. Work out something between the two of you at a time when she is not passionately expressing herself to share conversations in the future — maybe you open your hands from your heart toward her or tug on your ear.

Stay Attentive

attentiveLook at your chosen companion as she speaks to you. Ensure that she knows you are mindfully in the moment with her. This is not the time to check your phone. Nor is it the time to let your eyes wander to the table next to you or to the television in another corner of the room. Give her all the time she needs to complete her thoughts secure in the knowledge that you are interested in her opinions, joys, fears or concerns.

When you do not know how to communicate effectively with your companion your relationship can take a serious turn for the worse. It can be a real barrier to taking your relationship to the next level. This will make the women you date feel judged or marginalized. Cultivate an open, accepting attitude during conversations and she will reward you with her delight in having such a charming and well bred date.