You love your girlfriend dearly but things are feeling a little stale or confined. Or maybe you have just started dating this new love interest after a major breakup. And the idea of monogamy is more frightening as you remember just how badly it can go. You might be tempted to pursue a little side action,. Being sneaky and risking ruining what you are developing with your girlfriend to explore other options. Whatever your rationale, if you are not content with a completely one on one relationship at this point you need to determine how you are going manage this challenge in a principled way. Consider talking to your girlfriend about the possibility of a polyamorous relationship

Talking with your girlfriend about changing up the geography of your relationship may seem daunting. But being upfront and honest is really the only way to navigate your conflicted feelings and desires. Getting momentary satisfaction behind her back nearly always backfires and is disrespectful to the other person or people in involved. If you really want to explore the options of a polyamorous relationship it is critical to understand that honesty must be the bedrock of this new road map.

Be Certain

Before you push the envelope be sure you want to remain involved with your girlfriend. If you are really trying to figure out a novel way to break up. using a desire to be in an open relationship is not an option. When you are asking to renegotiate your relationship be clear that you are still interested in continuing a caring and loving relationship with your girlfriend but with the option of also exploring relationship with others.

Be Gentle


Realize this may be a shocking conversation for your girlfriend and proceed with care and consideration. Now is not the time to enumerate her shortcomings or blame her for not meeting all your needs. If you want her to take your seriously and be available for a comprehensive conversation you must explain why you need to take these steps for yourself. Not as a reaction to her or your relationship with each other.

Be Proactive

Before having the discussion with your girlfriend do some deep thinking. About what you would hope your relationship with each other might evolve into as you try out other partners. Consider what your expectations are and any boundaries or rules you might want to suggest for the well-being of both of you and any new people either of you bring into the enlarged sphere of your newly polyamorous relationship.

Be Flexible


You are asking for a significant change in the structure of your relationship with your girlfriend. Give her space and time to absorb your request and the rationale behind it. If she is willing to consider a more open approach it might proceed best if the steps in that direction are small. At least at the beginning. Realize that you may really think you want a polyamorous relationship but that she needs to be willing and also allowed to participate fully on her own side. Expect that you might experience some negative emotions are she reaches out to other partners. Understand that is not fair if you are also seeing others.

As you open the discussion be sure you support her needs. Do not pressure or bully for what you want. If she is not willing to even think about the possibility, you will need to reevaluate how important opening your vistas is to you and proceed accordingly, but always with honesty and respect.