We have seen the bashing in the media. Black women have been called all sorts of things… however they carry themselves out. When they are strong, independent and don’t take sh*t, its called loud, emasculating and argumentative. When they date interracially, they are white men’s whores. When they don’t date interracially, they are delusional for waiting on good black men who are all taken. And they are ‘unattractive unmarriageable’…
Well, like many other, this black man had an obsession for non-black women for years; and this obsession led to him bashing black women on social media all because of “self-hate” as he calls it.
The thing is: He grew up in a diverse city with a diverse group of friends. However, his closest friends were black men like him with one thing in common: an interest in white girls.
“liking white girls was always the ‘cool’ thing to do so everyone went along with it. As I entered middle school and then high school it was impossible to escape the appeal of having a white or non-black girlfriend. Among my black friends, you were seen as almighty and powerful if you could get a white girl and if you found out that one liked you or had any interest in you; you were seen as a god,” he says.
And the mindset he and his friends had: “If she ain’t white, she’s at least gotta be light”. So they sat and laughed and made fun of black girls about their skin color, hair… you name it. Despite being raised by a black mother, other black women who were not family represented everything he didn’t want; while non-black women… all he wanted saying:
“I felt that most [black women] were too loud, too argumentative, had too much attitude, and were too much to handle.
In contrast, white women and women of other races represented everything that black women weren’t. They were beautiful, agreeable, adventurous, easy to handle, and most importantly possessed the genetic code that I wanted for my future children.”
Sadly, this innocent interest turned into something ugly the older he got. He had painted a picture of his ‘future’ children… with features that were nothing like his own (thick nappy hair and dark skin). The difficulties he had being comfortable with his blackness led him to direct these feelings elsewhere; bashing black women while uplifting women with features he preferred. It went from making fun of girls to bashing black women in real life and on social media.
Now he realizes how much hated being black… how much he had issues with his hair and skin color… how uncomfortable he was in his own skin to the extent of not imagining his off-springs looking anything like him. He realized, his wanting mixed children with “good hair” was him rejecting his own black features.
So what changed?
A predominantly white college where the non-black women he so desired were inaccessible. “I was forced into a tight knit black community and forced to adapt and ‘deal’ with black women and all the negative attributes that I felt that they possessed”, he says. And with “dealing” came the awakening of how untrue his negative generalizations about black women had been.
“The women that I spent a lot of time around were intelligent, beautiful, kind, inspiring, supportive, black women who finally helped bring me to the light. The thing that intrigued me most about them was despite being aware that they were undesired by many of their own men they still did everything they could to do uplift, support, and advocate for us.
In my experiences with dealing with women from other races I never saw any other group of women who were so for their men as black women are for black men,” he says.
According to him, many black men have gone through the same thing and finally woke up. And much as after his awakening, his interest for non-black women somehow vanished, he has no issue with interracial dating or black people who prefer partners of other races. This is a dude simply telling his story. He concludes greatly saying:
“Black men who put down black women do it simply because they are not comfortable in themselves and in their blackness. Any black man who takes pride in being black would never disrespect a black woman because he knows that she is a part of him and knows that by disrespecting her he is disrespecting himself as well.
For all the women who read this please realize that the men who post things like I used to post, are lost and not comfortable in themselves so for that I apologize on behalf of them until they wake up and are able to apologize on their own.”