Dating someone with kids may appear tricky. But does this mean that you should outrightly write off a great man just because they have kids? In this article on Love is all colors, we explore this rather complicated subject. Read on…
Things to consider before dating a man with kids
You might never be number 1
What kind of relationship does he have with the kids? If the guy you want to date has a close relationship with the kids or is living with the kids at home, then you will never get 100% of his attention. The kids will always come first. However, this doesn’t mean that he will neglect you. It just shows how dependable and caring he is. Now, if you can be understanding about these dynamics of the relationship and aren’t the attention-seeking kind of person, then, by all means, date him.
Do you want or love kids?
When a woman says, I don’t want kids, some people might find this a bit weird. Well, not every woman is born with the mummy genes. Some people might see this as selfish. However, this is a decision that you have to make. Now you might have met this wonderful man who has kids. But if you don’t want kids of your own, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to raise someone else’s kids.
The thing is, if you are looking for something serious, at some point you will probably have to meet the kids and probably live with them. Can you be a mother to them? If yes, then go ahead and date your guy.
Does he want a casual or a long-term relationship?
Now if the guy you have met just wants something casual, then dating someone with kids shouldn’t be an issue. There are some men who are dating with kids who prefer to keep their relationships away from the kids. If this is that kind of guy, then, by all means, date him. If on the other hand, he wants something serious, then you will have a decision to make.
Kids need time and focus
Yes, this dude you have met is incredible. But this doesn’t mean that you jump into the relationship blindly. Kids take a lot of energy. So if you are planning on dating a man with kids, then you need to be able to make some sacrifices where the kids are involved. You need to be ready to do the work and embrace those children as your own. You might be forced to be committed to both the man and the family. Are you ready for that kind of commitment? If the motherhood gene isn’t in you, then maybe you need to back out especially if you are dating someone with a kid in your 20s.
Can you respect their routines and traditions?
As a woman who doesn’t have kids of her own, you need to realize that this man had a life before meeting you. And this life is with him and the kids. So there was definitely a way that this family is accustomed to. For instance, you can’t be the kind of woman who expects the man to sacrifice the son’s soccer game just to go drinking with you. So if you won’t be able to be understanding of their routines, then save yourself the trouble. Unless the man is a deadbeat father, then the kids will always come before you.
Don’t go into people’s lives and disrupt them. If you do and the relationship with the kids go sour, you are the one who will take the blame for it. Plus this will also make the kids despise you. So if you are planning to have something long term with this dad, then respect their traditions. It might be hard but you can slide yourself politely into their equation.
Are the kids ready for their father’s new relationship?
Now, this all depends on the kids involved. There are some kids who can be very angry when they meet the other woman. This is because some feel that their mother is being replaced. Before you even rush into anything serious, ask the dude if he has dated before and how the kids are about his dating. If there is an issue, then you should probably remove yourself from the equation before you invest in the relationship and end up with your emotions getting hurt.
Create a dating someone with kids pro and cons list
Do some research by getting dating someone with kids books. Once you have done your research, go through your pros and cons list. Depending on how you look at it, this might be a very rewarding experience for you. But it is also very challenging. Because of the kids being in the man’s life, it might not always be the sparks flying kind of relationship. If the cons outweigh the cons, then you should probably reconsider dating a man with kids. This is because the disadvantages might put a strain on your relationship.
Always go with your gut
There is nothing wrong with making the choice of not wanting to date a man with kids. If you are not up for it, or your stand is, I don’t want kids, just walk away and save both of you heartache later. Remember, it is all up to you. You have the right to choose. Yes, some people or the guy might think you are shallow. But the choice is yours.
Dating someone with a child is hard. So if you have any doubts then simply walk away. Don’t let your friends guilt you into the kind of relationship that you are not ready for. The one thing that is more uncomfortable than not wanting to date a man with kids, is forcing yourself to date on then regret your decision later.
When is the right time to meet the kids? Follow the link for some great tips.