When groups of friends hang out together, they often have each other’s phone numbers. It’s natural that connect on social media. This means that everyone can stay in touch so much more easily.
This is definitely a good thing most of the time. Unfortunately, it can also lead to cheaters, trying what they know best and that is, of course, cheating. It may seem cute that your best friend’s boyfriend sends you thoughtful texts and messages from time to time, especially when you’re single and feel like a third wheel in their relationship. But what happens when those texts and messages start to shift out of friend zone and become inappropriate?
Then comes the inappropriate text…
It can happen so easily. One night after an evening out, your best friend’s boyfriend sends you a text to make sure you got home safely. You’re a little bit worse for wear. So you reply that you’ve arrived back to your sad, lonely apartment with only your cat to sleep with. This is followed by a LOL and wish him a good night. The next thing you know he sends you a penis pic. Wait a minute? That escalated just a little bit too quickly. Or, he might be a little bit of a smoother operator than that. He simply encourages you to keep messaging. It gets to a point where he suggests that if you’re that lonely, he might be able to help.
Either way, you’re going to have one of two reactions. Reaction one will be ‘ewwwww’. Reaction two will be ‘I wonder if we’ll get caught’. If you’re truly a best friend though, even if you might slip up slightly in a drunken haze into reaction two, you’ll quickly dial back to reaction one and remind yourself that ‘ewwwww’ is the only acceptable response in this situation. The problem is that you now have the knowledge and the evidence that your best friend’s boyfriend is a prick.
Typically, after he’s dropped the bombshell of his dickery and realizes that he’s made a mistake, he’ll try to laugh it off or pretend it’s a joke and that you are the crazy one and taking it way too seriously. When he does this, remind yourself that if he’s done it to you, he’s done it to other people. Those other people may not be as quick to say ‘ewwwww’ and aren’t loyal to your best friend. You have to tell yourself that no matter how flattered, or horny, you are feeling and whether or not you actually have the hots for him, that he’s a total prick. Not only is he a total prick, but he’s prick that is going to break your best friend’s heart.
This is when it really sucks. At some point, you’re going to have to make a decision about whether you’re going to tell your best friend this happened or not. You’ll start to picture yourself in a few years, while your best friend is left penniless with by him, remembering that you could have put a stop to it. Or you’ll imagine your best friend telling you she hates you, that you’re jealous and lying when you try to break it to her before he does it again. You’re predicting tears, drama, more tears and more drama and you just don’t need this crap in your life right now.
Ultimately, what you choose to do is up to you. However, there are some things you definitely shouldn’t do. First, do not give the guy an ultimatum such as ‘you better tell her or I will’. He may well tell her what happened but put his own spin on it so that he looks like the innocent party. That is not a good outcome for you or your friendship.
If you choose to keep the incident to yourself, then you have to live with that. But don’t burden other friends with it. Do not blast it all over social media as this will absolutely humiliate your best friend. So, either keep your mouth shut and hope your friend discovers her boyfriend’s dickery sooner rather than later, or, sit her down somewhere calm, quiet and public and simply show her the evidence and let her come to her own conclusions. Just remember that she may not thank you for the information and you may have to live with that.