A recent study by psychologists at the University of Toronto and the University of Western Ontario found that most male partners in committed relationships underestimate their women’s interest in sex. Apparently, they desire sex more than their partners believe to be the case. Men also miss most sexual signals their female partners send them.
The study details
According to the Wall Street Journal, the psychologists conducted 3 studies on 229 heterosexual couples in long-term relationships. Their ages ranged between 18 and 68 years. These couples had been together for an average of 6 years and had sex at least once a week.
The psychologists kicked off their studies with 44 couples who had to keep a journal for 3 weeks; indicating their daily levels of sexual desire. In addition, the couples were also asked to rate their perception about their partners level of desire and satisfaction in the relationship in general.
In a second study, 84 couples went to the lab and talked about their desires, perceived desires of their partners and overall happiness in the relationship.
In the final study, 101 couples also kept a daily journal on the 3 matters in the second study in addition to reporting how “motivated they were each day to avoid sexual rejection.”
The findings of the studies
Psychologist reported that all the studies recorded the same results – Men under-perceived their female partner’s sexual interests. They also found that generally, men misread the needs of their female spouses. As per the results: “On days when men thought their female partner was less sexually interested, the women reported feeling more satisfied and committed in their relationships. Women, on the other hand, were more likely to accurately identify whether or not their partner was interested in sex.”
Interpretation of study findings
The psychologists think the under-estimation of their female partner’s desires to be some form of coping mechanism to deal with sexual rejection. As they put it, it was better for the men to think that their female partners aren’t interested as opposed to their partner saying ‘No’, which might hurt their feelings or make them harbor hard feelings towards their partners.
However, this isn’t necessarily bad for the relationship. If anything, the assumption that a female spouse has lower sexual desires encourages the man to try harder and get her in the mood; thereby making the women more satisfied and happier in their relationships.
“It is better for the relationship for him to under-perceive, because it avoids complacency,” reported Amy Muise, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto.
How do women get the amount of sex they want?
Confidence!!! Initiate more sex with your male partner! And as sex and marriage therapist Sari Cooper told the WSJ, this can only happen if the women accept their levels of desire and become more comfortable with them. She also added that women should not just be subtle about it; they should tell their men straight to their faces.
“I will see women in my office who will tell their husband: ‘Remember when I was joking about that sex scene in that movie we saw? Well, I was trying to come onto you,’” Cooper said. “He may need something more overt.”
For more about the research, watch the video and suggestions given to fix the divide…